


The difference between love and obsession

by demonjeans



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Cop!Dean, Flashbacks, Forgotten Memories, Heartbreak, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stalking, Violence, writer!Seth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:04:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonjeans/pseuds/demonjeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth erases his memories of his and Dean’s relationship with no warning. Dean is naturally upset but refuses to do the same, forcing himself to move on. But it isn’t easy getting over the love of your life and it certainly doesn’t help when you run into them a year later.</p><p>Note: Fic on hiatus</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a spin off idea to the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind except instead of both characters erasing their memories only one of them has. And then I decided to toss in my current obsession with true crime into the mix. Let’s see what happens!

 

_Seth Rollins has had Dean Ambrose erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again._

 

Dean reads the note card over and over again trying to comprehend the words. It’s simple enough but his mind refuses, desperately fighting their meaning. Anger floods his veins, tears filling his eyes, he reads the words again hoping they’ll say something else if he just focuses hard enough. But it doesn’t.

“Why…” Dean’s voice dies in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” Roman says putting a hand on his shoulder. “Wish there was a better way to tell you.”

“Why’d he do this?” He asks aloud as if the answer will magically appear out of thin air.

Thirty minutes ago he pulled up to Roman’s place in a particularly sour mood. Seth had changed his phone number only a week after their latest break up. Latest because this had been happening off and on for months now. They’d fight, throw their most vicious words at each other until one of them stomped off disappearing for days. They stopped apologizing after fights as if returning made things all better. It didn’t.

A week had past and Seth hadn’t come back, it was starting to worry Dean. Maybe he had gotten hurt, he remembers voicing that to Roman in their squad car one night, Roman tried to reassure him that things would work out. Did he already know by then? Had he been lying to him, pitying his sad state of existence? That wasn’t fair to Roman, he had never lied to Dean before and handing him this card was proof of that. And while it was great that his best friend gave him the honest truth it didn’t help the excruciating agony in his heart.

How could Seth do this to him?

Two years doesn’t seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things but when you’re so enwrapped in someone, and both of you connect so flawlessly two years feels like a lifetime in the best and worst ways. How was he supposed to move on? Fuck, how was he supposed to just accept that Seth had gone and voluntarily forgotten him? Dean knew their last fight had been bad, he said shit he shouldn’t have, remembers the pain in Seth’s eyes and the venom he spat back at Dean. If he had known that was the tipping point he’d take it all back, hold Seth in his arms one more time.

“The fuck am I supposed to do now?” Dean’s voice rough.

“Got some beers in the fridge.” Roman says and Dean gives a sad laugh.

“That’s an idea.”

Over the next week Dean gets rid of everything in his apartment that reminds him of Seth. It’s hard as almost everything has some meaning attached to it but by the end he throws out a couple bags and boxes, going so far as watching the garbage truck empty the dumpster and drive away. Its as close of a goodbye as Dean’s going to get. 

There’s one exception to the clean up however, their first photo together. It was so goddamn cliche, he remembers Seth’s face light up at the sight of the photobooth pulling Dean over saying that they had to in a ‘I don’t make the rules but I actually am’ kind of tone. Dean looked grumpy in the first image, Seth was rolling his eyes at him in the second, the third Seth was pulling him in for a kiss both of them a bit of a blur, they were in the midst of the kiss in the fourth holding each other close. Dean’s memory fills in the nonexistent fifth frame, the I love yous whispered between them. 

He should’ve burned the photo but he couldn’t make himself. Dean was going to keep it as a reminder that he was the strongest out of the two of them. That he wasn’t going to go and forget about what they had. He was going to live with the memories and move on. At least that’s what he told Roman four beers into his night of misery.

It's a hard promise to keep over the next few weeks especially the first time he spots Seth at a bar they used to frequent laughing with some stranger that Dean automatically wants to rip apart. He wants to go over there and punch them both in the face, scream at them. Then he realizes that to Seth all that’d be is some stranger attacking him and for Dean it’d be another night of sobbing his guts out at home for being nothing more than a forgotten ghost to the man he loves. So he leaves, gets shitfaced, and ends up passed out on Roman’s couch. Roman’s been pretty great through it all, does his best to never mention Seth unless flat out asked. Cause he still gets to talk to Seth and it kills Dean a little, Roman’s the reason they met in the first place and really he should hate him for it if it hadn’t been, for the most part, the best two years of his life. 

_“Might be the only guy you’ll meet that won’t tell you to shut up about crime scenes at lunch.”_

It was a bad habit that Roman mostly put up with usually until Dean would try to break out the gory scene photos for examination. Seth wrote for the paper and had two true crime books under his belt when they first met for coffee. They spent the whole time talking about some of Dean’s old cases, thirty minutes became an hour, then two, then four. Seth suggested dinner and Dean agreed. 

They fucked like rabbits that night.

“It’s like I gotta start my whole life over.” Dean says the morning after seeing Seth at the bar. “Only I don’t get to fucking forget.”

It sucked. God, did it suck. Dean felt like a zombie for the first few months, throwing himself as hard as he could into his work. He stopped going to places he thought there was even the slightest chance of seeing him. Slowly Dean was getting his life back together again if just a bit more empty. A lot more empty if he was being truthful. Drinking helped with that, not a lot but enough to help ease his mind.

On the year anniversary of being forgotten Dean treats himself to an early drink. Things were ok, he had a new case to sink his teeth into, Roman was slowly trying to discuss Dean’s future dating prospects which was finally not making him want to puke at the idea. He did not expect a year’s worth of effort to explode right in his face. There was Seth at the end of the bar looking miserable and every warning that was screaming in his head goes unheard as Dean walks over to him.

Except he had no clue what to say.

Seth blinks up at him. “Can I help you?”

“You looked sad.” Dean says feeling like an idiot.

Seth breathes out a laugh, takes a sip of his drink. “Shitty week.”

“It’s Tuesday.”

Seth gives a genuine laugh this time that makes Dean’s heart hurt. “Two days of garbage. You gonna sit with me or what?”

Dean shouldn’t but he does. Orders them both drinks catching Seth’s lips perk into a smile. He finds himself being oddly careful, he knows what Seth likes and makes sure not to order it. This is all a bad idea but he has no intention of leaving. 

“So why are you here on a Tuesday afternoon?” Seth asks.

“Anniversary.” 

“Alone?”

“Anniversary of being dumped.” He answers.

If that isn’t conversation killer he doesn’t know what is.

Except Seth doesn’t even seem fazed. “Hey, me too. Not an anniversary, I mean. Got dumped today.”

The vindictive side of Dean smiles but he doesn’t let it show. Instead he raises his glass at Seth.

“To heartbreak.”

Seth takes a drink and makes a little wince of a face, he never liked the straight up stuff. “I’m Seth, by the way.”

For a moment he’s unsure if he should give his real name. What ramifications, if any, it might have. In the end he doesn’t really care. “Dean.”

He has no idea what to say to Seth. They’re strangers. Everything Dean feels and remembers belongs to him and him alone. This isn’t his Seth. They’ve never shared a bed. They’ve never kissed. He’s… He’s a clean slate.

It’s a dangerous thought. Tempting.

“You come over here, buy me a drink, then just sit there like a sack of potatoes.” Seth looks at him, little grin playing on his face. “You’re real bad at this flirting thing, Dean.”

“You just got dumped. Isn’t there some, I dunno, buffer time?”

“It was over weeks ago.” He says sadly. “Today he gave me final notice. I’m a pretty awful boyfriend, basically.”

“You tell me I’m bad at flirting then say you’re a bad boyfriend. Thinking this is a you problem.” Dean hates how comfortable he is around Seth.

Seth chuckles. “Probably, maybe I’m just impatient.”

“What do you want?” Dean asks finishing off his drink.

“Out of what?” Their eyes meet and Dean swears he feels a bolt of electricity run through him.

“Right now.”

“Right now?” Seth slides his glass over to Dean, that damn grin still on his face. “A drink that doesn’t taste like horse piss.”

He really wants to kiss that stupid face. Shove him into a booth in the back and make Seth remember him.

“What about you?” Seth asks after gets his new drink. “What do you want?”

Dean shrugs. “Something new. Something better.”

“Well, celebrating the anniversary of a break up isn’t gonna help with that.”

“You’re probably right.” It feels like the whole damn world is laughing at him. At this conversation that shouldn’t be happening.

He's too relaxed and Seth looks to have no interest in pushing him away. Dean should leave, put this place on the list of locations to avoid and get on with his life. 

His empty little life. 

So he asks Seth what he does because that’s a normal question between strangers. When they first met Seth had downplayed his work, he was more interested in what Dean had to say. That said, they were having coffee then, a few real drinks in him and Seth was a talker so it isn’t surprising to hear him chattering away about his current project. It’s nice to hear real interest in his voice again, even if it’s about grisly deaths.

“-it’s fun. I mean-” Seth pauses to think because who in their right mind uses the word fun when describing murder research.

Dean does.

Dean shakes his head and fishes out his issued ID and badge putting it on the counter. 

“Nah, I get it.”

Seth’s fingers trace over his badge. “What div-”

“Homicide.”

“Really?” Seth’s face brightens and Dean smirks.

“See, that’s a creepy eager face.”

Seth’s laugh makes his whole body ache. Makes Dean wish he could just hold him again. He should’ve never came into this bar.

“I have a friend who works in homicide but he never tells me shit. Name's Roman Reigns, maybe you know him.”

Dean gives a little nod. “We work together a lot.”

“Yea?” Seth’s brows furrow in thought. “I don’t remember him mentioning you.”

Dean fights down the bitterness clawing its way up his throat.

“We keep our personal lives separate.” He lies. “I don’t need to hear about him and he doesn’t need to hear about me. Just get shit done.”

Seth buys it, takes another swig of his drink. “So what’re you working on?”

It’s like the first time they met all over again except this time they’re slightly drunk and laughing at things they really shouldn't be. Any thought of leaving is gone, he’ll take this day now turned night. It’s a much better memory than watching a garbage truck haul away the remnants of their relationship.

Dean’s about to order them another drink when Seth lightly swats his hand. “If I get too drunk I won’t be able to take you back to my place.”

“Oh.” Dean feels his skin begin to warm up.

They fuck like rabbits that night. 

Dean’s head is a mess. The angry part of his mind wants to take advantage, hurt Seth when he’s vulnerable laying underneath him. Some kind of revenge fuck leaving Seth an aching wreck like he was. But he could never do that. He loves Seth so goddamn much that he could plunge a knife into Dean’s heart and he’d just accept it. He already did a year ago. And here he is back at square one. 

Dean wakes up the next morning to the buzz of his phone. Fishing through the pile of clothes beside the bed he sees it’s a text from Roman asking if he’s ok. He groans dropping the phone back onto the heap, he had never come back to the station and Roman probably assumed Dean drank himself into a stupor. Which honestly would’ve been a better situation than the one he’s currently in but he can’t really bring himself to complain. Seth begins to stir awake and fuck is he beautiful the way he bites his lip at seeing Dean.

“Hey there.” Seth says with a little smile.

“Hey.” He feels himself grinning back.

They share a few groggy kisses neither making a move to get up. Dean’s phone buzzes again and he sighs turning over to grab it.

**Not coming in. Tired.**

He sends off the text but Seth is already sitting up stretching out his back.

“I’m gonna make coffee, want some?” Seth glances back at him.

It’s an invitation to stay. He shouldn’t but this could be something, this could be the second chance that Dean wanted. To Seth they were just two strangers that met in a bar. Their last fight didn’t exist in this space, none of them did. They had hit it off just like the first time they met and with the way Seth had looked at him just a few moments ago Dean knew there was a real chance. This was another shot at being with the love of his life only this time he knew what to do, how could he not take it?

Dean sits up beside him and plants a kiss on his shoulder. “Sounds good.”


	2. Chapter 2

“You alright?” Roman asks the next day at lunch.

Dean had been quiet all day, he wasn’t trying to but his mind was elsewhere. The morning before with Seth was damn near blissful despite the logical side of his brain telling him it was a terrible idea. Seth wanted to see him again and Dean said yes.

“Yea, sorry.” He says swiping some fries from Roman’s plate.

“I went by your place the other night you weren’t there.”

“Went out. Drank some but I was fine, you don’t need to check up on me.”

It’s actually really endearing that Roman would think of him enough to make sure he was ok but there was no way Dean to could tell him the truth. He doesn’t know if Roman would be disgusted with him or pity him, doesn’t want to know.

“So where were you?” Roman asks.

“Went to a bar. Had some fun.”

Roman’s eyes widen, understanding his meaning. “Shit, really?”

“You’re the one who’s been on my back for weeks about putting myself out there so why’s it so shocking?” He puts on a little show of annoyance that only makes Roman roll his eyes.

“I’m surprised is all. I’m glad though, it’s a start.”

Dean frowns before he can stop himself and Roman’s on the brink of apologizing but he holds up a hand.

“It’s ok. Gotta get on with it sometime. Fresh start and shit, yea?”

It’s kind of a fresh start in some twisted one sided way. He hates to lie to Roman, it’s just not something they do, but he has no other option. This thing with Seth… he doesn’t want to give it up just yet. Maybe ever if he can. The morning they spent together felt like traveling back in time, Seth casually leaning against him on the couch like it was just natural thing to do. Dean had missed that the most, the casual closeness.The three in the morning hugs when Dean was so engrossed in work he couldn’t be bothered to sleep. Seth would take his hand and kiss his knuckles drawing Dean away from his desk and into their bed finally getting him to rest.

Roman snaps his fingers in Dean’s face a moment later. “C’mon, we got work to do.”

The station’s too loud, he can barely focus. Roman carries most of the load for the day. A home invasion, nothing stolen, just the victims carefully laid out in a circle all holding hands. It’s something he should be picking apart, obsess over all night until he sees some detail that’ll fuel him into the next morning. But he isn’t paying attention in the slightest and it’s showing.

“You here at all?” Roman asks, a note of worry in his voice.

“I just… This is pretty fucking heavy isn’t it?”

“Don’t try that,” Roman shakes his head, “you’ve been staring at the same page for over twenty minutes.”

Yea, he’s been caught so he might as well bury himself all the way. 

“I mean, two of ‘em got hit in the head with a hammer. That’s rough.”

Roman pulls an unimpressed look. “Like that’s the worst you’ve ever seen.”

Dean smirks. “True.”

“Go home.” Roman tries to grab the file from Dean’s desk but he snaps it closed.

He gathers a few more things before getting up. “Maybe something’ll come to me later.”

At home a couple drinks in Dean lies down on the couch letting his thoughts drift. Unfortunately they go off into a place he’d rather not visit. Back when he and Seth had a few short weeks left on their relationship. Dean came to the apartment one morning after spending the entire night out, being home stressed him out and what was the point of sleeping next to someone who didn’t want to be near you. Seth was getting ready for work, he didn’t even bother to look up at Dean as he packed away his laptop.

“We should talk.” Dean took a step forward in some attempt to block his path.

“I gotta go.”

“You should quit the paper. It’s dying anyway and just brings a mess of bullshit in here.”

 _“Bullshit?”_ Seth repeats a look of disdain crossing his face. “There’s nothing to say, Dean. Do you even care about any of this anymore?”

“Of course I do!” He snarls. “Do you?”

Seth doesn’t answer at first, slings his backpack over his shoulder. “I have to go.”

Dean’s jostled out the memory from a sharp buzz against his head.

**I’m bored.**

For a second he doesn’t recognize the number but then pinpricks of excitement hit. It’s Seth.

**Come over then**

**Ha. Straight forward, huh?**

**No point in being coy**

Dean texts his address, a pang of nervousness rolling through him. It feels like an eternity before Seth responds.

**‘K. I’m picking up something on the way. Fucking starving.**

It’s past midnight as both of them sit lazily side by side eating chinese takeout and watching some bizarre infomercial that looks more like a cult recruitment video. 

“Think of how much better my life would be if I had that fucking blender.” Dean can barely keep the laughter out of his voice.

“Anything gets in your way, toss it in. Watch it blend.”

A second later they’re both giggling like idiots as the overly cheerful on the television prattle on. Seth reaches for a fortune cookie on the coffee table when his eyes fall onto the case folder.

“What’s this?” He asks.

“None of your business.” Dean responds in as much of a friendly tone as he can while being serious.

“Aw, c’mon.” Seth pouts. He fucking pouts.

“You think I’m just gonna give out details on an open case to a journalist?”

“I wouldn’t write about it. I’m not dumb.” Seth assures but Dean shakes his head.

“Can’t. I’m sure you’ll get the official report soon enough.”

“You’re no fun.” Seth sighs falling back onto the couch with a huff.

“I can be plenty fun.” Dean whispers, lightly nibbling at Seth’s earlobe.

The instant shiver the other gives is no surprise to Dean. He remembers discovering the spot early on and happily taking advantage of it when the opportunity presented itself. So much so that for a time Seth couldn’t even wear his hair in it’s usual bun. It was fun.

It was also something he shouldn’t know about. Not with this Seth.

“Well, shit.” Dean grins hoping he looks at least somewhat amazed by his finding.

Seth swallows roughly, face tinted a shade pink. “Shut up.”

Dean leans in again. “Is it really that easy to-”

Seth shoves him back, playful little smile on his face. “Don’t!”

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s hot.” Dean corrects.

Gently he tilts Seth’s chin to face him, goes in for a kiss. It’s electric. Feels so damn right he has to fight every urge not to pull Seth onto his lap.

“Fuck.” Seth breathes as they break apart.

“What?”

“You just…” He pauses, gives Dean a soft peck of a kiss that just feels like a tease. “Bed.”

“Be nice right here.” 

“I’m sure.” They share another light kiss. “But you won’t be the one waking up with a sore back so… bed.”

“Ok, ok.” He complies, then quick as he can nips at Seth’s earlobe again before getting up.

Seth gives a startled little twitch that Dean smiles proudly at. He promptly gets a pillow thrown at his face but it’s worth it. Tonight is slower, they’re like teenagers laughing at everything, hands everywhere. For a split second it’s overwhelming, having all of this back so freely. It isn’t fair to his Seth, but then again his Seth had went and gotten him erased. There was always the possibility of finding each other again he had to have known that. Seth was happy before and so was he, what was the harm of having that happiness again but this time being able to keep it? 

They belonged together.

The morning drifts in like a warm fog, sunrise cracking through the blinds enough to give the room a soft yellow hue. Seth is lying on his side, hair covering most of his face. Dean’s about to reach over and brush it back when his phone begins to ring in the next room over. Tiredly he pushes himself onto his feet and walks back into the living room.

He glances at the name and answers. “It’s early, Ro. What?”

“Just got a call about another home invasion just like the last one. Get dressed, I’ll be there in twenty.”

Dean hangs up and looks back to the bedroom, thinks of Seth peacefully sleeping completely unaware that Roman was on his way. Completely unaware of the shitstorm that would happen the second Roman sees Seth naked in Dean’s bed.

Well, fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are crime scenes in this story so there will be violent acts discussed. I don't see it as being over the top but if it is please tell me and I will fix the tags. Thanks so much for reading!

Dean gives himself a few seconds to panic then springs into action. He throws on some clothes, no time for a shower so a quick spray of cologne will have to do. He moves back to the bed seeing Seth begin to wake up, sitting on the side of the bed he leans in for a kiss feeling Seth smile against his lips, hand gripping Dean’s shirt.

“Early morning, sorry.” Dean says. “Stay as long as you want.”

Seth pulls him in for another kiss. “You smell good. ...Stay with me.”

“Wish I could.” It’s so damn hard to pull away but Dean makes himself.

He’s out of the building just in time to catch Roman pulling up to the curb. Disaster now averted he gets in the car giving Roman a nod in greeting.

Roman sniffs the air. “Are you wearing cologne?”

“You’re the one who fuckin’ woke me up five minutes ago!”

“Could’ve waited a sec for a shower, sheesh. Trying to be fancy for corpses now?”

“Shut up.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Let’s go.”

Every light they pass puts Dean more and more at ease. He thinks of Seth lying in bed and forces himself not to smile at the image.

“Hey, got the files from yesterday?” Roman asks as they hit a red light.

Fuck.

“Left it at the apartment.” He groans, annoyed at himself.

“See what happens when you rush?” Roman teases and Dean’s glares.

“You’re fault!”

He wants to argue they don’t need the file, that they could get it later, it’s too much of a risk going back but then an even worse thought pops up. Seth could be reading over the case, taking notes or quick pictures of details. Instantly Dean becomes antsy, they need to get back to the apartment, he needs to grab the folder before Seth gets a chance to read it, and Roman needs to stay in the fucking car. When they pull up to the building Dean tells Roman that he’ll be just a minute, hoping that he sounds more frustrated at himself rather than panicked. As he runs up the stairs he desperately hopes Seth is still fast asleep, but of course he’s not. That would be much too easy.

Seth isn’t reading through the case, however. No, he’s busy searching through kitchen cupboards wearing just his black boxer briefs and Dean could easily stare at him all day like this. Sadly, he doesn’t have the time. 

“Coffee?” Dean asks, startling Seth.

“Yea.” He laughs, vaguely gesturing to the cabinet above him. “Keep checking the same- Weren’t you going to work?”

It’s a throwaway comment but it’s a jolt to Dean’s nerves. That was the cupboard that was always stockpiled with coffee because Seth drank it like it was fucking lifeblood. Was checking the same cabinet some deep ingrained muscle memory that couldn’t be erased?

“Forgot this.” Dean grabs the file from the table. “And I don’t have any coffee.”

Seth stares at him with an almost offended expression. “How do you survive?”

“Coffee at the station.” He explains. “I’ll pick some up for next time.” 

“Next time?” A little grin plays on Seth’s lips.

“Yea.” Dean crosses the room into the kitchen. He wants one more kiss before he goes. “If you want.”

Seth’s hands settle on his waist. “Better be the good stuff or I’m totally ending this.”

“Now that’s just mean.” Dean mocks a hurt voice, takes the kiss he’s been craving.

It’s a perfect moment that’s ripped away and replaced with a stab in the gut. Roman’s voice comes from the doorway making him freeze in place, Dean briefly glances at Seth who looks embarrassed but mumbles out an awkward little “hey” to his friend.

Dean finally turns around, looks Roman in the eyes and tries to ignore the shock in them. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Roman’s jaw is clenched tight, he doesn’t answer, just gives a subtle nod and walks out.

“Is he ok?” Seth asks after he leaves.

“Rough morning.” Dean responds. “I’ll see you later, alright?”

Their goodbye kiss is shorter and more rushed than he’d like, panic mode setting in. Dean’s steps feel heavy as he heads downstairs, unsure what he’s going to say to Roman. Ending up with Seth again wasn’t part of the plan a few weeks ago it just happened. And things were going well so what was the harm in continuing it? Seth had no idea of their past, Dean was the one putting his heart on the line all over again.

With tremendous effort he gets back into the car, avoids looking at the other man. “Can we-”

“No!” Roman cuts in. “What the FUCK are you doing?!”

“We have work to do. Let’ just go.” Dean says flatly.

“Nah, they’re dead, they’re not going anywhere. Seriously, what the fuck, Dean?”

“It wasn’t- It just kinda happened, alright?!” He snaps.

“How does that just happen?”

“Went to a bar and he was there, that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Roman gives him a look of disbelief. “Why didn’t you leave?”

“I dunno. I meant to but, things escalated and…” Dean shrugs.

“Goddamn it, Dean.” Roman exhales, clearly disappointed with him.

He can feel Roman glaring at him but Dean looks ahead at the road. “We gotta go.”

Roman starts the car. “He erased you. What do you think-”

“We can talk about this later, alright!?” He growls out, teeth bared.

They arrive at the house a little while later, this scene is more violent than the last. Four victims once again laid out in a circle, hands touching. All of them with head wounds and slit throats, blood becoming a massive pool underneath them.

“Anything back there?” He asks Roman who’s emerging from the hallway.

He shakes his head. “Same shit as before. Attacked in their sleep, brought out here. Looks like they went up a notch, though.”

“More uniform.” Dean notes. “The first one was a mess.”

“Practice?”

He gives a slight shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe.”

They work together as they always have almost as if that morning hadn’t happened. Almost, but Roman’s stance is all wrong and he keeps crossing his arms. Neither of them are making direct eye contact and their usual dumb jokes feel a bit forced. They leave the house going back to the car in silence, Dean not looking forward to the ride back to the station. Except Roman isn’t speaking and somehow that makes him feel even worse.

“Just yell at me or something. I know you want to.” Dean says.

“You eat yet?” Roman asks not actually waiting for him to answer as he takes the next turn.

They end up in some diner, Dean sitting across from Roman feeling like some little kid about to get lectured by his dad.

“Go on then.” Dean frowns.

Roman crosses his arms again as he eyes Dean. “I like how you’re acting as if I’m the one doing something wrong.”

“Cause you’re gonna make it a bigger deal than it is.”

“It is a big deal. Seth didn’t want to be with you anymore, Dean.”

“How are you so sure?” Dean argues.

“Are you kidding? He erased you.” 

“I know, but Seth wasn’t dumb he had to have known there was a possibility of us running into each other again. Maybe he wanted that, I dunno.” Dean knows he sounds delusional but he’s seriously considered the idea.

“You really think that or is that what you’re saying to justify it?”

“Having fun calling me a creep?” He puts on a sour smile.

“I’m trying to piece this together. You see him at a bar, fine, but instead of leaving like you should, you what? Prey on someone you know everything about? That-”

“You weren’t fucking there.” Dean interrupts. “I wasn’t preying on him, so fuck you for that. I’m not taking advantage of him, I’m being careful.”

“That doesn’t make it ok.”

“Are you gonna tell him, then?” Dean asks looking Roman dead in the eyes.

He takes a minute to answer, like he’s weighing the options. “No, and that’s not for you it’s for Seth. But… Fuck, Dean, even if you’re trying to reason it being ok that he doesn’t remember, you do, and that could fuck you up even worse than before. What if he leaves again?”

Honestly, Dean hadn’t thought about it. They loved each other. Eventually Seth would know that, he just had to be patient.

“Then it’s over.” Dean answers, even though it doesn’t quite feel like the truth. “I’m not gonna chase him.”

“You need to be more careful than you were this morning. You weren’t only worried about me seeing him.” Roman sighs tiredly. “I don’t want to see you guys fall apart again.”

“You won’t.”

Roman isn’t satisfied, leans forward making sure Dean hears every word. “No, listen, I don’t want what happened last time to happen again. You hear me?”

Dean’s jaw tightens. “It won’t. I won’t let it happen.”

Their waitress arrives with their orders, Dean gives her a little nod of thanks but Roman’s still watching him.

“It won’t.” Dean repeats.

Roman doesn’t look completely convinced but assents. “Good.”

A year into their original relationship Dean had been careless. He and Seth were in love, practically attached to the hip when the other wasn’t working. Back then it wasn’t a big deal to let Seth read active case files, they’d throw ideas back and forth, and while at first Roman wasn’t keen on sharing the information it helped the flow of their work and never became an issue. Seth’s articles wouldn’t reflect any extra knowledge and things would continue as they were. Life was good. Hell, they had even talked about the possibility of marriage once or twice, something Dean had never considered for himself until he met Seth.

When the first strangler case came in Dean didn't think much of it. It was unique but simple, like they were trying to hard. The victim had tied wrists, signs of struggle, cause of death was strangulation by hands. A long stemmed rose was left laid across the victim’s mouth, thorns leaving sharp cuts on their lips. It was all purposeful, like maybe it was some vendetta against the victim. Somewhere in his mind Dean knew that he should be weary, that the sense of unease he felt meant something but he had pushed it back. He had seen a lot of shit and this was just another case to add to the pile. Another story to tell Seth about over dinner just to watch him geek out because damn if that wasn’t the cutest fucking thing. 

Neither of them could have predicted what was to come.


End file.
